expression

strucksurd

currently listening to: ALL AMERICAN REJECTS - IT'S ENDS TONIGHT

hey bloggstey! so long that i've been absent from this blog thingie. HAHA
i don't have any idea why i just want to write this night. it's almost 12 at night but whatsoever, LMAO. all I wanna do is just write. hmmmmm
well write may one of my way to express what i think and feel. maybe not one of but only :
honestly, im a kind of an i n t ro v e r t person. i can't tell everybody about my private things. though she or he is my best best friend. i don't know. im a typical of person that hard to believe and give trust to the others. if i told a secret. so it will be just for some people. and some people that i know. that i really know. writing may helps a lot. i can express without saying the true words, the real word or what.
yeah i'm not the one that 'emotionless', 'flat' or some kind like that. if my friends told me a funny joke, i would laugh, laughed out loud. if talking about those humour things, im not in a dfficulty. i'm comfort wif my friend, my school, and we laugh together.
but if y talk about kinds like anger, disappointment, or what........................

" i would rather zip up my mouth and lock it."

i cn't express my true anger clearly. though i was very angry and really cruel inside, what i finally do is just crying alone and felt pathetic by my self. even if i was re-told it to my friend. i will just re-told it with flat emotion. so it's like i'm forgetting the mistake and problems. though for true, i'm not. i was never cried front of my friend. i just burried it for myself. so miserable zzzzzzz so on wif my disappointment expression. i will just being silent and then not energical as usual. just that. no cries. no anger. just yelled............
and last, for love thingie. hmmmmmmmmmm. i'm so complicated in this one. people often called me irresponsive. unrespct. flat one. emotionless or else zzzzzz actually i just don't know how to express -________- but sometimes i just felt like, yeah im comfort with myself. i'm happy with my expression. so what. but other time, i felt so miserable and regretful : and more pathetic that i don't have any bravery to told my friend about this. even just some. i just always rather play safe than doing all extreme. hmme
it's now more than 12 o'clock. i just stare at the LCD and think about this expression emotion thingie. it is right or wrong. hm im still an 11th grader. so why do i have to think? im still young and i just need to continue my life as i like. AAAAAAAAAAAA DON'T KNOW. what the hell yeah

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