Sudut pandang.

Saya mungkin masih terlalu 'kemaren sore' untuk memberikan kuliah tentang perilaku. Sikap saya tidak dapat dikatakan bijak. Young and reckless. Free and careless. Tapi saya ditengah roda pembelajaran. Saya mencoba mengerti. Dan saya tahu pembelajaran, pengertian, adalah suatu tanpa akhir, suatu kontrak hidup. Baru belasan tahun kita hidup, baru segelintir masalah yang dilalui, masih banyak orang to deal with. Tak perlu mengeluh untuk memahami, it isn't special, itu sesuatu yang perlu dilakukan.

blah

just so you know

you're nice, you're good.

and losing you is so not in my head right now.

Yes I'm careless and I'm sorry.

blah

expression

strucksurd

currently listening to: ALL AMERICAN REJECTS - IT'S ENDS TONIGHT

hey bloggstey! so long that i've been absent from this blog thingie. HAHA
i don't have any idea why i just want to write this night. it's almost 12 at night but whatsoever, LMAO. all I wanna do is just write. hmmmmm
well write may one of my way to express what i think and feel. maybe not one of but only :
honestly, im a kind of an i n t ro v e r t person. i can't tell everybody about my private things. though she or he is my best best friend. i don't know. im a typical of person that hard to believe and give trust to the others. if i told a secret. so it will be just for some people. and some people that i know. that i really know. writing may helps a lot. i can express without saying the true words, the real word or what.
yeah i'm not the one that 'emotionless', 'flat' or some kind like that. if my friends told me a funny joke, i would laugh, laughed out loud. if talking about those humour things, im not in a dfficulty. i'm comfort wif my friend, my school, and we laugh together.
but if y talk about kinds like anger, disappointment, or what........................

" i would rather zip up my mouth and lock it."

i cn't express my true anger clearly. though i was very angry and really cruel inside, what i finally do is just crying alone and felt pathetic by my self. even if i was re-told it to my friend. i will just re-told it with flat emotion. so it's like i'm forgetting the mistake and problems. though for true, i'm not. i was never cried front of my friend. i just burried it for myself. so miserable zzzzzzz so on wif my disappointment expression. i will just being silent and then not energical as usual. just that. no cries. no anger. just yelled............
and last, for love thingie. hmmmmmmmmmm. i'm so complicated in this one. people often called me irresponsive. unrespct. flat one. emotionless or else zzzzzz actually i just don't know how to express -________- but sometimes i just felt like, yeah im comfort with myself. i'm happy with my expression. so what. but other time, i felt so miserable and regretful : and more pathetic that i don't have any bravery to told my friend about this. even just some. i just always rather play safe than doing all extreme. hmme
it's now more than 12 o'clock. i just stare at the LCD and think about this expression emotion thingie. it is right or wrong. hm im still an 11th grader. so why do i have to think? im still young and i just need to continue my life as i like. AAAAAAAAAAAA DON'T KNOW. what the hell yeah

blah

rubbish

so so so hard to believe, and so hard to be brave. to just hit the lights and stand up when you fall off the ground. hmf ngik ngok. whatever just trying to forget it (at least for a while)
ngeheeeek.

I've been trying a thousand times

To let you know

To let you go

But the phone is dead

I can't reach you

blah

ignorable

currently listening to : SID feat Shaggy Dog - Jika Kami Bersama

yeah yeah yeah, basi sih aku baru suka sekarang sama tuh lagu -.- lagunya bagus trnyata haha kalo ngedengerin jadi mbayangin kekompakan gitu. yang bener2 brotherhood sejati gitu deh, kumpul bareng2, berjuang sama sama, seru2an bareng, bebas dan lain lain zzzzzzzz
daaaaaaaan itu sangat menohok ya, in my status quo right now, rasanya pengen banget rewind ke masa masa ak di kepanitiaan umum awal tahun lalu. pengen banget, ak bilang. dulu kayaknya seru, ngefeel banget deh pokoknya asik.
di semester dua ini ak included in suatu program umum yang ak pikir seru banget. I think it'll gonna be the most challenging, exciting , interesting organization. I looked from the people included there, they were seems so cool and fun. We made this great concept, this goood title and tagline and blablabla. I was so happy to be part of it, in case I was ffelt a bit unignorable there. I tried and tried to built my confidencies, to spoke up what is my idea, though I never felt so comfortable there, I tried to be. Because of why? Because I was loving this event so much.
Till I can't be able to keep this boredom, this shit-evil-thoughts to be locked in my own heart anymore. I was freaking out. I felt I'm invisible. In every forum they made. I hate this feeling, this rubbish situation. Maybe I'm too immature and egoistic to face this. Yes I'm over react, just a big load of rubbish that can't do anything. But here, I have this spirit, I have this hope for this things. Hm but yeah I don't even know whether I still have those spirit z. And I do the efforts. I do my job, ladies and gentlemaaaaan. Hey guys, yeah I'm a sophomore, I'm a rookie. I'm nnnot as great as my partner that included in those what is that school org or what. But hey please, I want to be visible in your eyes. I want to speak up an hear what's the newest matter from this event. Yes sir I'm a rookie but I had this big vision spinning in my head. Huh scheiss. Yeah maybe I'm too hyperbolic in here, but heeeey this is just my opinion and this is what I've felt.
Beside this rude cruel smothering matter, I've finally found my own world. Where I can speak up and show my idea. Where there people noticed what I've said. And where I can make my own great team and build our case together. Thanks God for giving me this little oase inside the huge silly dessert z.

Blah
*bad english, haha so what

Introvert?

Snapsnapsnaaaaaaap!
Belakaangan ini, ak inget, kalo ada beberapa temen dan sanak keluarga (halah) yg bilang klo ak itu tertutup zz ak jg akhir - akhir ini baru nyadar z gatau kenapa, emg ak lbih suka ndengerin orang lain dbanding cerita soal ak sndiri -______- paling2 ak jg kalo crita soal orang lain. dan juga ak ngrasa buat apa ak cerita k orang lain, toh yg ak ceritain pasti punya masalah yg lebih wow dan lebih penting juga daripada eke. nah, efek bagusny sih klo mnurutku ak bisa bner2 jaga rahasiaku sndiri, tp yaaa yang g seru itu, jdi depresi raceto sndiri klo lg ad masalah. skrg sih ak lebih berusaha trbuka gtu, yaa cerita2 dikit lah, biar ngurangin beban wawe, ceileh

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