"Karena membaca dan menulis membuat saya tetap waras."

quoted.

self assure

so, this is the short story; got drown in tears in a whole day, couldn't sleep well, even I was crying in my sleep. so pathetic. I know. that was the first time I free-fall so hard, could't hold any single tears. it just drown me. till I was tired of crying. I tried to memorize the funny things, works, for some seconds, the rest was just a flood of tears came from my eyes. Then I was trying to listened to my playlist, a happy playlist. works, for some minutes, the rest was just a flash-back time, pathetic. Finally, I read. it works. till now. feel so better after that. I read a lot, magazines, comics, novels. so helping. then I picture all of my thoughts, trying to visualize all of those forlon into a new hope; fight the future series. enjoy :)

I'll fight the future, for you, for us, universe.

life's may grew complicately. somehow we gotta do what we want, push all the limit, cause actually the limitation comes from here, from our heart, be brave. love what we do, do what we love, we hand our fortune. cause there will be no end in this universe, in our aftermath. what we're always have is chapters. one chapter, two, hundreds, thousands chapters of our life. we just need to open them, one by one.

for all of the postponed obsession. for all of the hanging dreams. liebe from this girl. liebe. 5 cm liebe. stay close.

blahxxxx

eleventh

moody; abstract mind, bourdained of thoughts

disorientation; nowhere to go, confused by ourselves

labile; sensitive? easy to explode when given a shake

those are three words that I've learnt in this November rain.

how about you? :)

p.s: 2 months&i knw y better :p amin

blaaah

life is a party

belajar ngeBokeh

everything is okay, in the end; if it's not okay, so it's not the end :)

life is a party we have to celebrate, no matter how hard and how damn it was and would be.

life is not damn thing over another, it's damn thing over and over.....................

in the middle of self reconstruction,
blah

i don't even care if my mom or my sister read this post, and stare me like 'what are you doing' with big eyes and opened mouth

too many words to be spread. too many heartbeats to count. and too many feelings to be thrown. that's what i think when i have to described you, dude. i have known you one year ago, yes one year ago, since when i went to our highschool. and i think i pretty know you. we're never that far, and so do never that close before. you're the one i could never forget, i don't know why. being around y never makes me nervous or what, i just comfortable with you. maybe because we've known each other for a pretty long time, but i respect you as my friends i just think you're such a best friend of mine, i share my story and all my yells to you.
im not waiting for you to say, i even didn't dare to. i don't want to be those optimistic, being with you is just nice enough. letting you know that i do care for you is just what i want to. im not pushing you to claim or underlining our relation. i just want you to know, and want me to know that you do.
it's all unpredictable, im letting it flows as the time goes. settle my mind to the nothing to loose mode, but then you did say. thanks for what you've done :) now, im still wondering, how would this life be when there's no you inside my lifetime page...
too many words to be spread. too many heartbeats to count. and too many feelings to be thrown... yes it is.


blah

hellyeah

no pain, no gain

i don't know about the ending. i don't even want to know. seems like i want it to be like this. don't know how long, and how hurt it would be. i've prepared the drug, now just walk.
im fifteen and in a dizziness. im fifteen and just started my highschool journey back. im fifteen and there's still a lot to do out there. im fifteen and i want to learn. this is one of my way to. we should taste the pain, to gain a learning, to be better.
nothing to loose hahaha


blah

as ramadhan goes by

hello.
HAPPY FASTING :)

now it's been 3 days of ramadhan. 3 days of keeping the emotion and hunger

1st day of ramadhan. I spent it all alone zzzz the buka puasa, the tarweh hemmmm. that saturday, what i've been doing is just go to the school doing the 'penerimaan anggota baru'. accompanied the 10th grader to do their booklet.

"dis, how about we do the once year buber today?'

"well idk, guess no. monday better"

i thought that 1st day of buka puasa should be with our family. cause later, there's must be much of other buber rite?


well then, i went home and got my body so tired aand sleepy. and actually my parents would go to my cousin's health-celebration (idk what's the word :B). well im so sleepy and i want to get sleep cause i want to goo to the tarweh with the eyes open -and to not got mad because it takes so loooong time- hm. and so they left me.

so there i am. sleep until adzan maghrib. turn on the Tv and eat all alone. hm yeah i felt pathetic for a second, but i just pretend to be okay and it's work :D then i do the maghrib and board off my house to do the tarweh.

im kind of proud of myself that i can through the day alone. and my tarweh's pray was more, idk, more relaxing.



thanks for the 1st day of ramadhan, actually.

blah

11

lama nggak posting -____________-
ya ya ya. saya sekarang sudah kelas 11 loh. udah 3 bulanan lah jadi senior nomer dua di sekolah.
saya sekarang juga sudah di kelas 11 ipa 7. bukan di 10.8 lagi :
prtamanya masuk ipa 7, ak smpet mati gaya ngliat orang2nya yg alim2 gitu. sempet ngiri juga sama kelas lain yg anakny rame2 dan udah kliatan kompak. smpet sih ngerasa garing gitu di kelas. smpet juga sm temen2 eks 10.8, menggerundel kenapa harus cepet2 kelas 11, soalnya di kelas gada bolonya hem hem.

semalam sebelum tujuh belasan;

sempet hopeless sih sama kelasku. mau gerak jalan pake kostum apa whatsoever lah. ak pribadi nggak gitu ngurus. siapa yang ikut lomba oyeah juga so what. aslinya sih niat nggak dateng. sampaaaai gayuh, ketua kelas kita sms apa kostum tujuh belasannya. hmm mau nggak mau aku jadi ikutan rewo. ngjak temen2 ikut lah. mnjem kostum blablabla

pagi hari, tujuh belasan;

upacara bndera. habis itu rewo ganti baju&ngajakin anak2 buat ikut gerak jalan. msalahnya, kbnyakan anak2 pada jadi panitia tujuhbelasan hemmmmmm

terik, gerak jalan;

dengan modal kostum seadanya, kita gerak jalan deh. sekitar 12an orang yg ikut zzzz dikit lah. tapi untung kita puny yel-yel yang oke. trus nemuin nama kelas yg asik: MAS PAIDJO haha apasih.

semakin terik, ditengah gerak jalan;

tiap kelas baris urut buat gerak jalannya. ipa 7 dibelakang ipa 6: SI PAINEM. nggak ngrti gimana, tau2 kita udah saling ejek2an kelas gitu :)) bercanda smbil ketawa2. fun banget lah. tiba2 aja kita kompak nyanyiin yel yel kelas haha

hmmm, trnyata lumayanlah kelasku. ipa 7 rocks. mas paidjoooo, hey jogoo! ROFLMFAO
setahun aku bakalan di ipa 7.

semoga menyenangkan :)

blah

remembering summerswing :)

welcome to the VVVVVVVVIP row :p

haha my sweaty hair :B

i'm wif the peace sign!

i don't know. this night i just got remember to the Summerswing. i just love this event haha well, after those cynical thingie from the alumnus, then those kind of protest from some students, those bad misunderstanding wif another program, almost-boycott, and tons of another 'candy' memories.
first thing we discussed about for this event is just how to make it different, how to make it WOW, and how to give the outsiders another view about our school. that besides those science club, religion club, we still have this, an appreciation for music and art. we just want to show that 'hey, we also have this side'. that's my point of view. first, it just go on so good. all of us were so onfire. we're so excited, to began a new revolution and make people see, the another side.
till it's in the middle. meeting by meeting. discussion by discussion. there's no conclusion on evry of our meeting. it's just filled up by laughing or out of topic things. we're not working together. no feeling. we're not onfire again. we yelled. we talk bad things we don't know. we just unsatisfied and wooried. while another program seems so great, and just work as it used to, we just felt so small. we're very bonded from the outside but empty in the inside. LOL
but lucky us, in the end. very end. in the D Day................ I felt so onfire. two days before the Day, I was totally sickkkkk. totally. I'm on the bed all the time. listen to the slow song, tried to sleep well, so i would have some energy. felt dizzy. coughing. vommit. zzzzz. im just so scared that i wouldn't get into the Day. i just want it so badly. so i ate everything. i drank hot tea, ate those veggies and fruits blablabla. and voila for God sake. thanks. in the Day and D-1 i can attend this event and work as the best as i can :)
although aftr SS 09 was held, there is some, hmm i mean many comments. i don't feel sad. i just like this event. though there're some subjective bad comments from other school or what. i just feel whatever. there're some good comments too, i mean. it's our first time and i thinks we should be focus on the good cmmnts, to move us on. and for the bad ones, that's just for correction and we'd better stay cool than respond it on. just waste the time and energy :p peace all. thnks fr yer respond, but see it again and take a look at yer mirror.
last, i just want to say thanks for all of the crew. thnks fr the mmries anyway. you're all doin' great. and i love my school. and gogogo for 2009.
loveyall
xoxo


blah

bigger window : the net

currently listening to : the SIGIT- new generation

snap snap snaaaaaaaaaaap!
ceritanya nih kemarin Sabtu ak satnite sambil nonton the SIGIT gitu. pdahal aslinya sih mau nonton acara jazz fest gitu, tp karena kbetulan mb med mau nebengin, yaaa aku milih ntn sigit aja hahahaha lagipula ak jg lg pgen jingkrak2 :3
waktu pas udah nyampe venue, ada yang menarik tuh. begitu masuk abis di cap, ak masuk jalan keliling2 gitu bareng mb med kakak klasku gitu. nah disitu ak ngerasa rada aneh aja. gatau kenapa ak ngerasa familiar sama org2 yang ada dsana. semacam 'weh, inikan ini', 'loh, kyknya ak pernah liat deh' dan blablabla. banyak banget deh, selain emg org yang aku kenal langsung, banyak banget deh muka - muka familiar di kanan kiri. padahal ya, klalo dipikir Kridosono kan gede juga zzz
well, ternyata kakak kelasku itu jg ngerasain hal yang sama. abis dipikir2, wajar aja lah kalo ternyata kita kenal tampang2 tadi. bukan karena emang ngeksis naudubilah atau sok bereksis atau gimana. tapi simple aja, because of : facebook -______- ga ngerti juga, ini bisa dibilang efek bagus apa buruk. karena akunya yang krg krjaan nginget2 temen fesbuk apa orang jogja itu itu doang bzz yang jelas ak ngerasa inilah pngaruh dunia maya gitu (ceilah).
kalo pndapatku sndiri sih, efek bagusnya adalah yaa kita jadi bisa tmbah kenal bnyak orang gitu dan tau apa aja yg lagi happening, secra kan skrg bukan buku doang yang jndela dunia. kalo buku jendela, si internet mah udah jelas gerbangnya gitchu (lebih gede critanya). jadi yaa, kita jdi tau bnyak hal trmasuk orang2 itu tadi. cntohnya aja nih, kmrn tmenku crita 'eh tdi brusan aja ak knalan lgsg sama *si A*, pdahal di FB udah wall2an sok ngakrab gitu'. nah ini yg ak mksud mmperbanyak tmen gitu. selain emg mengakrabkan kenalan hem hem hem
buruknya nih, ga semua orang mau nyapa atau kenalan 'beneran' sm org di dunia maya tadi. padahal maybe aja di dunia online itu tadi ud sok berakarab ria seakan teman lama. jadi yaa, cntohnya sih ak sndiri, udah sok sok berwall gitu, tp pas ketemu diem aja. emang sih, butuh kbranian buat nyapa duluan apa gimana. tpi kan aneh gitu yaa, sok kenal gitudeh kesannya zzz tp emg kyk yg prnah dbahas di koran2, kalo di Indo msih mnding banget, dimana prtemanan di the net itu bsa dlanjutin di dunia asli. yg dtakutin kn sbenernya : orang2 jadi autis sm dunia sekitar gara2 stuck online doang. jadi intensitas ketemu atau interaksi 'nyata' jadi brkurang gtu gara2 keasikan oh-el. hemm
tp emg net net world itu ud gabisa dipisahin lagi kali ya dari hdup kt sekarang. mulai FS>FB>twitter/plurk/myspace/blog/multiply/ym/msn/mxit blablabla pasti ud prnah kta coba kan? gila deh emang. bru bbrapa taun ada udah bkin perubahan yg segitu gedenya. apalagi situs2 diatas gitu udah ada saluran mobilenya. makin gmpang ngakses ajadeh. jadi bnyak orang yg sok ngeksis dan bangga bngt bisa eksis di net net world, pdahal di dunia nyata autis gitu, mngkin ini yg dtakutin media kali ya, hmmmmeee

blah