currently listening to: ALL AMERICAN REJECTS - IT'S ENDS TONIGHT

hey bloggstey! so long that i've been absent from this blog thingie. HAHA

i don't have any idea why i just want to write this night. it's almost 12 at night but whatsoever, LMAO. all I wanna do is just write. hmmmmm
well write may one of my way to express what i think and feel. maybe not one of but only :
honestly, im a kind of an i n t ro v e r t person. i can't tell everybody about my private things. though she or he is my best best friend. i don't know. im a typical of person that hard to believe and give trust to the others. if i told a secret. so it will be just for some people. and some people that i know. that i really know. writing may helps a lot. i can express without saying the true words, the real word or what.
yeah i'm not the one that 'emotionless', 'flat' or some kind like that. if my friends told me a funny joke, i would laugh, laughed out loud. if talking about those humour things, im not in a dfficulty. i'm comfort wif my friend, my school, and we laugh together.
but if y talk about kinds like anger, disappointment, or what........................

" i would rather zip up my mouth and lock it."

i cn't express my true anger clearly. though i was very angry and really cruel inside, what i finally do is just crying alone and felt pathetic by my self. even if i was re-told it to my friend. i will just re-told it with flat emotion. so it's like i'm forgetting the mistake and problems. though for true, i'm not. i was never cried front of my friend. i just burried it for myself. so miserable zzzzzzz so on wif my disappointment expression. i will just being silent and then not energical as usual. just that. no cries. no anger. just yelled............
and last, for love thingie. hmmmmmmmmmm. i'm so complicated in this one. people often called me irresponsive. unrespct. flat one. emotionless or else zzzzzz actually i just don't know how to express -________- but sometimes i just felt like, yeah im comfort with myself. i'm happy with my expression. so what. but other time, i felt so miserable and regretful : and more pathetic that i don't have any bravery to told my friend about this. even just some. i just always rather play safe than doing all extreme. hmme
it's now more than 12 o'clock. i just stare at the LCD and think about this expression emotion thingie. it is right or wrong. hm im still an 11th grader. so why do i have to think? im still young and i just need to continue my life as i like. AAAAAAAAAAAA DON'T KNOW. what the hell yeah


remembering summerswing :)

welcome to the VVVVVVVVIP row :p

haha my sweaty hair :B

i'm wif the peace sign!

i don't know. this night i just got remember to the Summerswing. i just love this event haha well, after those cynical thingie from the alumnus, then those kind of protest from some students, those bad misunderstanding wif another program, almost-boycott, and tons of another 'candy' memories.
first thing we discussed about for this event is just how to make it different, how to make it WOW, and how to give the outsiders another view about our school. that besides those science club, religion club, we still have this, an appreciation for music and art. we just want to show that 'hey, we also have this side'. that's my point of view. first, it just go on so good. all of us were so onfire. we're so excited, to began a new revolution and make people see, the another side.
till it's in the middle. meeting by meeting. discussion by discussion. there's no conclusion on evry of our meeting. it's just filled up by laughing or out of topic things. we're not working together. no feeling. we're not onfire again. we yelled. we talk bad things we don't know. we just unsatisfied and wooried. while another program seems so great, and just work as it used to, we just felt so small. we're very bonded from the outside but empty in the inside. LOL
but lucky us, in the end. very end. in the D Day................ I felt so onfire. two days before the Day, I was totally sickkkkk. totally. I'm on the bed all the time. listen to the slow song, tried to sleep well, so i would have some energy. felt dizzy. coughing. vommit. zzzzz. im just so scared that i wouldn't get into the Day. i just want it so badly. so i ate everything. i drank hot tea, ate those veggies and fruits blablabla. and voila for God sake. thanks. in the Day and D-1 i can attend this event and work as the best as i can :)
although aftr SS 09 was held, there is some, hmm i mean many comments. i don't feel sad. i just like this event. though there're some subjective bad comments from other school or what. i just feel whatever. there're some good comments too, i mean. it's our first time and i thinks we should be focus on the good cmmnts, to move us on. and for the bad ones, that's just for correction and we'd better stay cool than respond it on. just waste the time and energy :p peace all. thnks fr yer respond, but see it again and take a look at yer mirror.
last, i just want to say thanks for all of the crew. thnks fr the mmries anyway. you're all doin' great. and i love my school. and gogogo for 2009.




kemaren kok tidak serasa liburan : padahal ak juga ke bandung, jalan2, shop-a-hopping, berwisata kuliner sampai naik 5 kilo, trus ke bogor main k tmpat sodara blablabla sounds like holiday but i don't feel it at all. @ bdg i feel like i just accompanied my mom to look and find what she needs. and find some jeans for my sister. actually i bought some too but not as much as my mom's and sist's. im a bit tired of following her through round the mall zzz and im not relax because of summerswing is D-10 that time. I feel so irresponsible. Though my body is @ bdg but my mind was escaped away to jogja :
then, it became worse when I just when into the soekarno-hatta airport from bogor. I really want to go home immediately. jam 2,45 ak abis dr rumah makan gitu abis ngrayain ultah bude. langsung maunya k terminal ambil jurusan bogor ke soekarno-hatta airport. eh baru bbrapa menit dr bogor, trnyata MACET BEUT -_________- akhrnya diputuskan naik mobil aja k SH airportnya, biar cepet. dikiranya nyampe tol udah bakal sepi. EH TETEP RAME. mobil udah siput mode-on. gabisa gerak zzzz
milih antara tol grogol atau tanjung priok. krn deket, we chose grogol. okedets kita jalani dgn tabah. eh trnyata nyampe apa itu deket gelora bung karno tetep aja jalannya seret banget maaaaaaan. waktu mulai nunjukkin jam 4an padahal pesawat take off 5,40 (MASIH INGET BANGET). siaaaaaal. mana ibu adik jdi ikutan ngnter k jkt. pdhal yg brgkt cm aku bapak (dgn mksut mmpercepat kepulangan). ksian bgt mereka, ad 2 sepupuku juga yg ngnter, melas kesian. di tengah macet, kita nyalain radio, eh trnyata ADA KAMPANYE SBY : ha terang aja macet, tanpa makan minum kita brtahan di mobil, sengsara. akhrny psawat g mungkn kekejar. it's canceled. uang melayang :''''''''(
parahnya ak keancam gbisa balik secara smua psawat udah penuh. bapak sibuk telpon2 ngedapetin tiket psawat. ak yg tdi masih seneng2 aja lgsg diem degdegan abieZET. gila klo gbisa pulang gmana dong, njuk pie, ak pgen ikut TT ikt summerswing edan wae g kerja, batinku. hoooosh. akhrnya dpet tiket balik, phew. trus abis mkan di mall antah berantah, ak cari hotel dan nginep di jkt, ibu adk sepupu balik k bogor. what the ngiwut banget.
hmmmeeh untung bgt dpet psawat pagi, jdi lgsg bisa k skolah dan see how is TT :B
tidak terasa liburan -.- aftr tht i've to go back gor uny-house. there's rapat akbar blablabla and then h-2 aku sakit : tepar di rumah hmbi banget. abis itu summerswing. abis SS tidur terusssss. my god senin udah masuk. NGIK NGOOOKS



so so so hard to believe, and so hard to be brave. to just hit the lights and stand up when you fall off the ground. hmf ngik ngok. whatever just trying to forget it (at least for a while)

I've been trying a thousand times
To let you know
To let you go
But the phone is dead
I can't reach you